April 4, 2008...3:55 pm
Gratuitous Sexuality and Infidelity
My best friend and female soul mate, Angie, recently wrote a post about men who cheat on their wives and the commonalities between them that she’s picked up on. You should read the post and comment if you haven’t, but the common trends identified for married men that stray include young power, self-made man status, and conference types. My comment on her post was the following:
This is a post that I’ve been meaning to write for awhile, but I think you’ve done more justice to the subject matter than I could ever have. What you’re blessed with is an outsider perspective, and what I’m cursed with is knowing that every single word you right is true. I am very much a part of the conference circuit, and men love the attention of a pretty girl. Exhibitors result to getting “booth” babes to attract attention…wtf? When did a conference become the type of venue where Hooters wasn’t the after hours event but the in-conference feature?
To the question of marriage, I too have lost all faith in the idea of monogamy. My parents, who are monogamous, represent an ideal that seems pretty much unattainable. Maybe it has something to do with my dad’s commitment to the church, to his willingness to accept his flaws and not give in to his lust, or maybe it’s because my parents are simple folks and the glitz and glamor of the spotlight has never burned in their loins.
I’ve reread this comment several times, and having just been to Hooters (I do kind of like the place), and a number of conferences, I have found that exhibition halls tend to purposely mashup business material with in-your-face sexual assaults. Combine this with the social nature of events and the expectation of free drinks, and you end up with a breeding ground for infidelity. It’s almost like one big Frat party where the costs are always expensed to someone else.
Think about this. When you go to Hooters what are your expectations? You expect to see gratuitous amounts of cleavage and an abundance of butt checks. Given that the setting was purposely created to provide you with sexual stimuli, you are essentially encouraged to stare, drool, and act like a brutish and neolithic man. You’re expected to consume the T&A. It’s just the nature of the business.
Now think about conferences for a moment. What are your expectations? You expect to network, you expect to learn, and more and more you’re expected to party. Social mixers are now very much integrated with the actual event, but to make matters even more sexually stimulating, you’re also expected to check out the exhibition hall, where savvy exhibitors use pay-per-hour females to dress scantily clad (much like Hooters a girl) and lure you over to their booth.
My point is that Hooters and conferences have become socially acceptable places to stare, gawk, and flirt with disaster. The more socially acceptable sexual flaunting becomes, the more difficult it will be to avoid temptation. Does monogamy have a fighting chance against our evolving sexual interests?
10 Comments
April 4, 2008 at 4:09 pm
I think you’re sorta off base.
E3 - the gaming convention uses booth babes to attract attention to their games. Just like Yahtzee says, the promise of boobies to a nerd is like the promise of a roast beef sandwich to a starving wolf - but this is certainly a cliche’ phrase which is quickly becoming outmoded - now is the right time to be a nerd/geek/dork.
Same with with CES - Hot(?) boothbabes showing off boobies more than theyre showing off a tv display.
Both E3 and CES are in the shitter as of 07…
April 4, 2008 at 6:57 pm
All due respect, but I really don’t understand what your blog entry is supposed to be getting at. The vast, vast majority of professional conferences and exhibitions don’t use booth babes. In fact, its only in specific sales markets that you see this (tech sales, some automotive sales). But even if you are referring to just these fields, women dressed in scant clothing could hardly be described as “in-your-face sexual assaults”.
Also, you are implying that conference goers be default spend their free time in Hooters, which seems like a far-fetched assumption. Almost as far-fetched as the notion that all this somehow poses a threat to marriage in general.
April 4, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Not sure I totally buy the premise. Just because we look doesn’t mean we act. I might take a look at the display at hooters, but I’m still all about my awesome wife. and no… she didn’t make me write this.
gebl
April 4, 2008 at 8:55 pm
I do agree with what you said about “The more socially acceptable sexual flaunting becomes, the more difficult it will be to avoid temptation”. I’m not so sure if it’s the flaunting, or the flirting, but I think the danger is when play accidentally goes too far and one realizes feelings are developing, but by then it may be too late.
In spite of my Hooters comments, I still hold out hopes for monogamy in my life and still believe its a realizable goal. I admit to window shopping whenever an attractive woman is in the vicinity, but I remain faithful to my dream girl and for me, no one else really compares.
I’m not so sure we’re all wired for monogamy. I know of friends who swear they want a life time mate, but all of their actions say otherwise. Maybe it’s possible for us only if it’s in our mental and emotional make up.
April 4, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Well.. these are very comforting responses, gentlemen. Thank you.
April 5, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Funny we hold similar views and our parents are awesome examples of the opposite.
Well I haven’t given up complete hope of having a committed one on one relationship I’m just more realistic about it. I spend too much time reading up on evolutionary psychology =P.
My expectations at Hooters is for people to not chip in enough for the bill at the end of the meal. I also expect to be charged extra for ranch so I usually order a sandwich. Oh and to feel awkward every time the waitress tries to spark a conversation with us while eating and does the server squat, you know the one that they do to be eye level so that you feel more obliged to tip. lol.
Although Hooters is geared for men I have equal amount of male and female friends that dig the place. Go figure.
April 7, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Jenn,
You and I have commented on this on our respective blogs and I guess I’m wondering is monogamy natural or a societal construct. And if it’s the latter, then was it a male idea or a female idea?
At present, I am totally monogamous and fully intend to stay that way, however, the world as a whole is an extremely tempting place. What strikes me is that the workplace has seen a greater increase of “sexual flaunting”, at least in my little corner of Corporate America. If you question the short skirt, tight jeans, or visible cleavage, you’re a prude. If you act on it, with the wrong person, you’re a predator. It’s a messed up time we live in.
April 13, 2008 at 8:22 am
Dan, the tone of your comment reads like I’ve hit a nerve. I’m surprised to find that there are no assertions that you would never cheat or have never cheated, but those statements are glaringly absent.
The point that you seem to be missing is that we live in a world that flaunts sex at every turn (just turn on your tv), and a monogamous and healthy relationship seems to be something only the very lucky people of this world ever find. I also pick up very Angie left off in her post and focus on some emerging trends that I have found in the conference and trade show circuit. Of course someone who cheats who is a victim of their own bad decision making, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that conferences are places of temptation. Temptation is a tricky thing and even the most content of people are subject to it.
April 13, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I think it all boils down to a simple truth - if you’re looking to get laid, you’re going to look into getting laid.
It doesn’t matter where you go, who you’re with - etc, but who you are. If you’re priority is a simple “hole to fill” then it will be, regardless of where you go. It’s when the establishments you go to also focus on that goal, mixed with your goal, that the “gratuity” comes into play… only thing is - that discredits those establishments for people that “want hot wings” or to learn about “online marketing”…
May 17, 2008 at 6:14 am
As an educator I have not been exposed to the Hooter’s shows at conferences. They tempt us with free stuff, and recently, on occasion, free drinks, which truth be told are the only reasons I walk into the exhibition halls. My school budget does not allow for me to buy most of what is being sold. Business may be different, but it is out of my realm.
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